They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. It's a Divine Plan. "Do you believe in. 33. When's the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. They don't want to hear from you. Maybe evenremember them? Otherwise it doesn't really work, does it? Everyone's at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. You know why? Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Sneezy was a full blown coke freak. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin, 62. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_zwB6GLpo4&w=584&h=390]. It's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths! Some people don't want you to say this, some people don't want you to say that. "You give us a color, we'll wipe it out! What would you call a lady's man, a "person's person"? Were so self-important. The rights and the rights of property. It's ridiculous! Now, you come along, and pray for something. But I said it with a smile. 49. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. George Carlin, 70. Whether you agree with him or not, Carlins views are definitely worth considering. What do you want Him to do? Religion is nothing but mind control. In this blog post, we'll take a look at some of Carlin's most famous quotes on government. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! Name six ways we're better than chickens See, nobody can do it! Your birth certificate is proof of guilt! What a fucking disgrace that place is! Thats three million plus acres, four thousand, eight hundred and twenty square miles. Because Im an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. On Election Day, I stay home. And that's the problem. All right, that's enough of that. I can't wait for some of these cities to disappear. a few weeks ago, comedy at its best pushes our buttons and challenges our ways of thinking. Two-hundred and twenty-five of 'em, so far! So maybe its not the politicians who suck; maybe its something else. Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? Then he is the victim of an irony. But he loves you. There are battered husbands. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. It will be a coincidence. They don't trust one another. What did Clinton say? - George Carlin. In the first place, white people got no business playing the blues ever at all under any circumstances ever, ever, ever! Here's another question I have. Simple thing. While some of his views may not be popular among the masses, he does make an interesting point when it comes to government. They don't care about the planet in theory. Not so you'd really notice it of course; just kinda on paper. You don't do all this moron stuff. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. 'Cause chickens are decent people. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. These are the same people who were elected with the help of the moral majority. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. They own everything. 11 Profound Quotes on Politics by George Carlin Everybodys going to save something now. I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with a birth control pill that doesn't work all the time; they'd call it "Baby Maybe"! I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? They dont want to hear from you. They own you. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. And then, the one we always forget, because he was Bashful. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin. To me, no person is a better example of that than George Carlin, a savage satirist and brilliant thinker who was just as much of a writer and a philosopher as he was a comedian. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium, digital and smoke-free. Required fields are marked *. Nobody goes right to work. And a mindless game, too. You never hear them say "Jesus made me drop the ball." Keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. Whens the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? 43. They must really be bad; they'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large! We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Theyre always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. Lets get started! A lot of these cultural crimes I've been complaining about can be blamed on the Baby Boomers, something else I'm getting tired of hearing aboutwhiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "GIMME IT, IT'S MINE!" You can say what you want about this country, and I love this place. 50. I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. That is against their interests. Are these people kidding? And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. Nothing left. I said, "Definitely, I feel we have too many dopes." Garbage in, garbage out. The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. Tell him you've been coming there for 10 years and none of your wishes have come true. Guy with a fuckin' pipe! And just dumb enough to passively accept it., The government doesnt lie, it engages in disinformation., Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let the government and industry poison me a little bit every day., Government wants to control information and control language because thats the way you control thought, and basically thats the game theyre in., Bullshit is the glue that binds us as a nation., I believe the government should step in where the free market fails., Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them., A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does.. "I just got here, man, you kiddin' me?" Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. It will be coincidental. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. But he can't say, "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony, don't you?". Nature is in here. Carlin dropped out of high school and was stationed in Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, Louisiana in 1954 . I welcome it. Happens to work. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. The government doesnt care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. That's my motto. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. The original quote is, "We make ourselves miserable by first closing ourselves off from reality and then collecting this and that in an attempt to make ourselves happy by possessing happiness. And they have war plans for every contingency, no matter how remote. If a Kurd, after surviving bloody battle with Saddam Hussein's army and a long, difficult escape through the mountains, is crushed and killed by a parachute drop of humanitarian aid, that, my friend, is irony writ large. -George Carlin Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images, Seth Meyers White House Correspondents' Dinner Speech, Dan Quayle Funny Quotes and Misstatements, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, France Jokes and Funny Quotes About France, Bidenisms: Funniest Joe Biden Quotes and Gaffes, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. I don't believe in road rage; I prefer the gentle rebuke. And complaining about the politicians. The Trump administration is channeling George Carlin's "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television." It has banned seven words and phrases from the Centers for Disease Control and . That way, perhaps we can add our own special, obscene imprint to Christmas in Midtown.". Why are there ten? An art thief is a man who takes pictures. I like people who buck the system. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. You know why? On Health Care: George Carlin Called It | by Sean Murphy - Medium not understanding that George Carlin was the type of person to roast one side, and when the other side started cheering he would turn and . 2. The people are fucked! Believe me, my friend. They'll get it. No muss, no fuss, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments of interest 'til September. Regarding public Christmas displays: At some point, someone who worked at Rockefeller Center must have said, "Boys, I have a great idea for Christmas. And here as long as were talking about theme restaurants, I got a proposition for you. You know what they want? Never argue with an idiot. 12. You dont see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? A big bowl. Bullshit is everywhere. Come on in for a free demonstration and a free consultation with our friendly professional staff. Really? Religion is nothing but mind control. If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. Yeup, sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize the government doesn't give a fuck about them. The difference between left and right of center originated in the French parliament. I decided to look around for something else to worship. Dole kept saying "I'm a plain and honest man." 6. Rights aren't rights if someone can take them away. It's interested in its own power, that's the only thing. Save the planet? I'm tired of that asshole. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Enjoy! Everywhere you go now, there's some dick, some yo-yo, some putz with a camcorder, and he is going to tapeEVERYTHING! The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. So arrogant. ' George Carlin, 30. A waitress with a visible infection on her serving hand. They call it the National Defense University, but it's a war college. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? They own everything. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people, The FCC, the Federal Communications Commission, decided all by itself that radio and television were the only two parts of American life not protected by the free speech provisions of the first amendment to the Constitution. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. I hate groups of people but I love individuals. Fucking is legal. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. They're privileges. You ever notice that? But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshiper. The Ballad of 'Deepfake Drake' - The New York Times When it comes to God's existence, I'm not an atheist and I'm not an agnostic- I'm an acrostic, the whole thing puzzles me. 14. Its a fucking sacrilege! Everybody gets one swing. I started this website because I wanted to help people like you to maximize their potential and achieve their dreams. I dont have pet peeves. If black boxes survive air crashes why dont they make the whole plane out of that stuff? George Carlin, 55. I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. It's our differences. My mind doesnt work that way, I got this real moron thing I do, its called thinking and Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions I have certain rules I live by. Deal with it. George Carlin - Wikiquote Some items not available, some assembly required, some restrictions may apply. "Do you believe in God?" We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. You have no right to complain. Over the years, dozens of joke lists and rants have been forwarded around the internet and misattributed to George Carlin. Various lists of humorous one-liners were forwarded through email in the 1990s, falsely attributed to George Carlin. BULLSHIT! And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. Im an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, 26. And any man whose arm hair completely covers his wristwatch. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. So maybe some of this patriarchal shit ought to go away. It's true. Plus he knocked up your daughter. We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus.. 17. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. Who the fuck is going to invade the US? People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centersbut if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Thats the only thing. You have no choice. Did you ever stop to think about all the people we kill? I took his shoes. 30. They come from American homes, American families, American schools, American churches, and American businesses. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! So I say live and let live. When are they gonna outlaw this shit? So arrogant. I'm the first one to say it's a great country, but it's a. A brain surgeon with "Born to Lose" tattooed on his hands. And generally speaking, people on the right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. The mayfly lives only one day. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan? 44. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other peoples stuff. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. And if you act now, we'll include an extra added, free, complimentary bonus gift, a classic, deluxe, custom, designer, luxury, prestige, high quality, premium select, gourmet combination key ring, magnifying glass and garden hose in a genuine imitation leather style carrying case with authentic vinyl trim. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. Original music by Dan Powell and Marion Lozano . An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Tell the judge the truth. Author of the memoir The Young People Who Traverse Dimensions While Wearing Sunglasses. But if he starts that smart-ass fly shit, buzzing my head and repeatedly landing on my arm, he is engaging in high-risk behavior. Any woman whose hobby is breast-feeding zoo animals. The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. [points to chest] And if you're in tune with it, like the Indians, the Hopis, especially, the balance of life, the balance, the harmony of nature, if you understand that, you don't overbuild. Anything differentthat's what they're gonna talk aboutrace, religion, ethnic and national background, jobs, income, education, social status, sexuality, anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other, so that they can keep going to the bank! What do you say? And if they tell you youre not a team player, congratulate them on being observant. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Birth control pills are still on prescription. You caused the problem. I'll give ya somethin' to put in your mouth!" "All of you over here, you seven? 35. George Carlin Shitting on Government for 8 Minutes Straight That's all we've ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. Are these fucking people kidding me? Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. Are these people kidding? At least he's honest!" In prisons, before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol! The House of Blues they ought to call it the House of Lame White Motherfuckers; inauthentic, low frequency, single-digit, lame, white motherfuckers especially these male movie stars who think theyre blues artists. Were gonna save the fuckin planet? Happy was into grass and grass alone Happy, that's all he did. 47. (224), Many people work on war plans; not too many work on peace plans. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. There's something I like about the clitoris, but I can't quite put my finger on it. It simply doesn't give a fuck about you. They even have a war college at Ft. McNair, Washington. Guys with a lot of small pins on their hats. Its interested in its own power. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. Its interested in its own power. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet? George Denis Patrick Carlin was born and raised in Manhattan, New York City, to Mary (Bearey), a secretary, and Patrick John Carlin, an advertising manager for The Sun; they had met while working in marketing. "Undisputed heavyweight champion." What a ratio that is: 399,993 to 7. Living in this country, you're bound to know, every time you're exposed to advertising, you realize once again that America's leading industry, America's most profitable business is still: the manufacture, packaging, distribution and marketing of bullshit. Our experienced and knowledgeable sales representatives will help you make a selection that's just right for you and just right for your budget.
Accesspay Activate Card,
Msi Laptop Just Shut Off,
Kerb And Channel Standard Drawings,
Articles G